Happy Mother's Day

These are just two pictures of what a Happy Mother's Day I had this year...

Welcome Jacob

When we had Joel, I thought my heart could never ever be as full as the moment they laid him on my chest. I had dreamed of being a mom for so long and have always seen that as my life's goal. Watching him grow, my heart has grown with an ability to love that I never knew existed. Now to think that God would give his only son for me has an entirely different and much deeper impact for me. Just the thought brings me to tears! When this pregnancy started, as with the pregnancy with Joel, it wasn't easy. With my diagnosis of placenta previa, I was terrified of the impact on my health and feared that it would take me away from Joel. But God was so faithful and the previa was no longer an issue by 25 weeks. Still I didn't know exactly what a new child would bring. How could I love someone as much as I love Joel? And the moment they laid Jacob on my chest, I knew. I knew that God had once again grown my heart so that I could love more. I feel so blessed to have two beautiful, healthy boys and a husband who loves them and me. I couldn't ask for more. Today I was reminded of Hannah's story of praying for Samuel in 1 Samuel 1. Joel and Jacob, you have been much prayed for. Other than praying for Justin, all my life, I have never prayed with more tears as I have for you.

1 Samuel 1: As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. ²⁷ I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. ²⁸ So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD."

Disgruntled and Thankful

I know, a random combination..but today has been one of those days. First of all, I am still pregnant...very very very pregnant and so the first thing that people say when they see me on a Monday morning is, of course, "Are you STILL here??". Yes, my body does not know it should go into labor and well, my due date isn't for another 12 days! But that wasn't the worst. Today I found out that it looks like I will not be teaching with one of my best friends and the best co-worker situation I have ever had next year. We had to sign these lovely contract things saying whether we would move to the jr high or whether we wanted to stay K-5 and the great catch was if you checked the K-5 option they could move you for next year. But Liz is on the path to administration and so after being advised by some very important people in the district, she checked K-5 and I checked jr. high cause I was too scared they'd move me to another school. So anyway, I don't know exactly who I will be teaching with, but I am sad....sad and still very pregnant. The day only gets better. Since no one expected me to still be here at this point, my long term sub sat in my room all day and read a book. And she'll be there all week. Which is fine, but why am I still here again???
To top things off, I read this today on a pastor of a church in Olathe's website.....not my pastor but one of a church that we know people who go to...

"Mercy and showing the Love of God to the sinner (which is all of us).
Here is something I am passionate about and a great test to see if you are in a good church; if you are in a church that you must HIDE and LIVE A LIE for fear of judgment or being kicked out... you are in a BAD CHURCH... I would leave!
I spoke to a friend of mine this morning who works at a church and secretly struggles with homosexuality ... he can not tell anyone for fear he would lose his job. Ladies and gentleman, this is a a disgrace; the church should be a safe place for people to be real and authentic ... and get help for their struggles ... and if you can not do that at your church then find a new one!"

Okay, I am all for loving the sinner and hating the sin...but when do we get to keep people accountable for those sins? I'm not saying people should be kicked out of churches, don't get me wrong, that's not what I believe. But there is a place for the fear of judgment....it's the HOLY SPIRIT telling us that something is wrong!!! I have made my share of bad decisions and choices and still make them but if there wasn't some accoutibility for these things then why would I chose not to make them again and again? And I'm sorry, but if this guy is struggling with homosexuality, he should not, in my opinion, be in a place of leadership at all.

Okay, so enough of that. Onto my Thankful part of this...I am thankful for my family. One of our friends from college is very sick and probably has only weeks to live and they have a little boy just Joel's age. My heart breaks for them. I am thankful for my health, Justin's health, Joel's and this new life inside of me's health. I am thankful that I have a church and a small group that holds me accountable for my choices. I am thankful for my friends, even if I don't get to teach with Liz all the time. And most of all, I'm thankful for the reminder from our friend who only has weeks to live that the living God is in control. Read this part of his blog:
"Job 1:21 "...Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."

Simeon Weltmer’s May 3, 2009 testimony

I was told my liver is sick and is killing me. The liver is so bad that my cancer doctor, Dr. Lori Maness, MD, did not even mention the cancer at the appointment. There are only experimental treatments that have been abandoned. I was given “weeks” to live. Only the direct hand of God could save me. Jennie and I quickly decided not to make me an experiment.

Three weeks later (now), my bilirubin liver toxin is still high but has fallen to 27 to 21.9 and stabilized. (normal value less than 1) There is no medical explanation. This is the work of the Great Physician, no matter what happens in the future.

I called the on-call Bone Marrow Transplant Physician Assistant Randy at Nebraska Medical Center. He said that while they cannot fix the liver, sometimes it “gets better on its own.” Please pray for this.

As a doctor, I do not know what to think. I try to live every day to the fullest while making end-of-life decisions.

I fear for Jennie; I cry when I think of Austin. He needs a daddy.

God, why do walk with me so far in my medical training only for disease to force me to quit?

I am reminded of Job 1-2. Job was “blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” At the pleasure and play of Satan, allowed by God, he lost oxen, camels, sheep, servants, and had painful sores on his body. His wife told him to curse God and die. He did not. In all Job did not sin.

I remember, The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, Blessed be the name of the Lord."

And so with all of my disgruntles today, I am humbled and very very thankful.